In the series on why emotions matter, we looked at how emotions are critical to the way we think and behave. If emotions are not managed, they could have a telling effect in the way that we speak and behave with ourselves and others.
To read earlier articles on managing emotions, click here - why emotions matter – part 1, part 2, part 3, Understanding children and their emotions.
In this article. we will look at some strategies that we can use to shift the thinking process to manage our emotions. Even as we approach the topic of managing emotions, one of the crucial factors is the thought process. What are the thoughts that accompany the emotions?
For example: My boss got upset with me today about the work that is pending from last week. I have been putting in over time and still have not been able to finish my work at the given time. I got sad and upset with myself and with my boss. Some of my thoughts at that time was, “I can never seem to make her happy.” “I don’t think I am good at this job.” “I never seem to get this right.” These statements though harmless at the time, if not taken care of will delve deep into the heart and mind and stay there. If these statements are not dealt with, the danger of them defining me are grave.
So, let’s look at two strategies that can help to shift the thinking process.
Positive self – talk:
Positive self-talk is a powerful tool to use to shift the thinking process. When we are sad about a particular situation that we are going through, catch the negative thoughts and exchange it with a positive statement. Looking at the example stated above with the boss, it will be good to exchange the thought “I never seem to get this right” to “I was able to finish so much in this time, let me see how I can break my work into smaller bits and work more effectively.” This helps us a lot to reconstruct a negative thought process into a positive one.
How does this help: It helps to appreciate the work already done. Most often with one comment or statement, we negate all the work that has gone into it. Another way it helps is with the positivity that I attain when my thoughts are positive, gives me a drive to push forward. Positive self-talk also gives me a sense of direction to move forward towards the task ahead. This gives me an impetus to press onwards.
Another point to consider in this aspect is the other side of thought process being negative is – where is this negative self-talk coming from? Is it coming from experiences in the past that I have not dealt with? For example, are these thoughts coming from statements I have heard from a parent or friends that were said to me in my childhood? Then it is important to deal with those experiences with a trusted counsellor.
Remember these statements don’t define you.
Positive self-talk can go a long way in shaping our understanding of who we are. Often, we give importance to what others say of us, but let’s not dimmish the impact of Positive self-talk.
Compartmentalize:
Another powerful tool to manage emotions is compartmentalizing. What does it mean to compartmentalize? How can this be put into action in reality?
“Compartmentalize” put in simple terms means allowing yourself to mentally put issues into separate boxes. For example: Greg is having a tough time at work. He is waiting for a promotion. He comes home and he is working. His wife expresses her desire to have him more at home. To be present in the home rather than be dissolved in his work. His children get upset that they don’t see more of their dad. Greg feels so spent out. What would help Greg in this situation is knowing where to close shop with work and where to be available for the wife and where to be engaged with his children? If these roles are not compartmentalized then the danger of you feeling spent out is high.
Giving your best at work and closing shop when you come home is important. Spending time with your spouse is crucial as well. This is not understated when it comes to the children. So, learning to keep aside and spending quality time with the children and wife will go a long way to relax the mind and also help you to come back to work with a fresh perspective.
These strategies will help to a large extend, however the onus is on the individual to make time for it and to apply it.
To read about more strategies, click on Strategies to manage emotions – part 2.
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