Every parent at some point will need to face their teen/adult child about this topic, especially since it is an inevitable topic. Some parents may dread the experience, while others have developed comfortable rapport with their children enough to introduce the conversation. Nonetheless, it will elicit a certain amount of discomfort, which cannot be avoided, yet it is better to be a parent who opens the dialogue, so that you can prevent the chances of shame and silence fueling porn addiction.
Here are some essential tips to keep in mind:
1) Educate and build awareness: let your child become fully aware of the devastating effects porn can have on the architecture of the brain, distorting human sexuality, success of relationships, mental health and overall life satisfaction. Do not be worried that talking about pornography would lead to them developing a curiosity or seeking it out, as research studies have indicated that such outcomes are unlikely to take place.
Educate them about a healthy view of sex so as to prevent them from feeling shameful about their sexual maturation during their early adult years. As well as bring out how explicit images can desensitize their brains to not enjoy other sources of pleasure, leading to poor mental wellness.
2) Avoid strong emotions and respond empathetically: if you discover that your child has been consuming pornography, it is critical to stay calm and avoid responding with shock and anger. Take time to educate yourself on the issue of pornography and approach your child when in a friendly manner. Express your genuine concern without stressing them out, and allow them to express their challenges (e.g. peer pressure, academic stress, boredom, loneliness, curiosity).
Assure them that their struggles are valid and normal. Avoid any labels or judgement because it causes them to feel accused, angry and even become secretive. Acknowledge that their emotions are natural and expected part of development; however inform them that pornography usage has serious repercussions for the mind, body and spirit. Giving them the freedom to make their own choices and learn from mistakes is the best approach for teens, as this reduces the chances of rebellion, lies and defiance.
3) Offer alternatives and accountability: Teens are often looking for excitement and novelty, this can be found in several other sources than pornography, such as joining a music band, innovating something new, performing in a dance group, changing up their wardrobes, taking a trip to an amusement park etc. Take the initiative to do fun activities that spark up the interest of your teen, so they feel empowered to combat boredom or loneliness.
Spending quality time with your teen will also increase the chances of them trusting you to understand them at their moments of weakness. Learn about their struggle and be sensitive to their needs asking, “How can I help you”. It is also necessary to create a system of accountability where any misuse of technology will have consequences. This teaches them a sense of responsibility to take ownership of their actions. Using porn blocking software’s, internet filters, limiting computer time to help make things easier. Discipline without love is ineffective and causes greater harm on children.
4) Don't be so hard on yourself. If you feel you are losing a sense of control, it is natural. It is natural to have moments of closeness and separateness because your child is beginning to develop their identity.
The task of a loving parent is to encourage a child’s growth from dependence to independence; we ought to encourage that drive for independence and channel it in the right direction. Speak with other parents who have already passed through this phase, to find direction and guidance.
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