Parenting is hard. It is taking on the roles of caregiver, teacher, chef, cleaner, entertainer and so much more. You provide nurture and structure.
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A day in the life of a parent of a child with autism spectrum disorder can include any number of challenges and stressors. A parent might be driving their child to various appointments, advocating for the child’s educational needs, helping their child avoid sensory overload, or dealing with an unexpected tantrum in public. At the end of this long day, they may even be discouraged to find that their child is unable to sleep, keeping parents from getting the rest they need.
Though parents of children with autism face many unique challenges, they are not necessarily doomed to a life of stress. Research has shown that caregivers who engage their support systems and actively solve problems (including their own physical and mental health) experience much less stress than those who disengage or cope in unhealthy ways. It’s no secret that a less-stressed parent is much more likely to raise a well-adjusted and less anxious child.
Parents of children with autism face stress that can affect their mental, physical, social, and financial wellbeing.
So how do you cope with this stress?
Start with simple changes
If you have a child with autism and feel overwhelmed by all of these categories of stress, sometimes starting with the simple changes can make the biggest difference in your overall functioning. This could look like making sure you get enough sleep at night, exercise regularly, and schedule some time for yourself.
If these tasks seem unmanageable, you can focus on even smaller changes such as slowing down through your daily routine, drinking more water, or asking for help with simpler tasks. You might be surprised how much of your stress level is within your control, and you may find that caring for yourself has an immediate positive impact on your child’s functioning as well.
Focus on reality and not the what ifs
It’s easy for any parent to become anxiously focused on how their child is developing, but parents of children with autism are at particular risk for excessively worrying about their children and what challenges they may face in the future. If you’re feeling stressed, ask yourself whether you’re focused on the reality-based needs of your child or the future “What ifs.”
Asking, “What is my responsibility to my child today and to myself?” can help you direct your focus back to what you can actually control.
Find reprieve outside of work
For many parents of children with autism, work is one of the few places where they can find a break from caring for their child. Ideally, caregivers should have time and spaces outside of work where they can focus on their emotional and physical health, their interests, and other important relationships. Sometimes fear of how their child will adjust to a new caregiver can keep parents from seeking out this support, but giving your child the opportunity to interact with other adults will benefit both you and your child.
Use Your Village
It’s not surprising that research has shown that parents of children with autism who access solid support systems are less likely to experience stress than those who don’t or can’t. Family members and close friends may struggle to understand how they can help, so consider giving them specific tasks when they offer. Caregivers don’t have to be responsible for educating loved ones about autism spectrum disorder—simply point them to resources that can help them learn more. Also, don’t forget that disability organizations, places of worship, schools, and other community organizations may be important additions to your support system.
Engage Professional Help
Don’t discount the value that professional help can play in managing your stress level. If regular therapy or counseling isn’t an option, there are still plenty of services you can engage to help you deal with this. Make an appointment with your primary care physician to make sure that your physical health is good and there aren’t any complications that are adding to stress. Disability or autism organizations or your local school or hospital can also help connect you to support groups for caregivers of children with autism. Support groups can help you feel heard but also connect you to resources and information that can reduce the stress of parenting.
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