Please, Thank You and Sorry

Parents teach their children to say these words. Then they go out of fashion once these children hit their teens, perhaps even before. Meanwhile, these words have been said to be the most important words for the success of a relationship like marriage. It is a somewhat common belief among Indians, particularly youth, that saying please, thank you or sorry—especially the latter two—is unacceptable, unnecessary and even inappropriate among friends. The belief is that these words belong in formal contexts and particularly with authority figures. Of course, often it the ones under authority being forced to write apology letters and express over-the-board gratitude to whoever’s in charge of them. Not an environment that promotes trust and open vulnerability, that. And so there’s no need for this stuff to be genuine either. No wonder these words are becoming unpopular.

What’s important to note, however, is this: that regardless of our perhaps negative memories

associated with these words, they are rather important in any relationship, whether formal or

informal. Any true relationship between two or more human beings requires a mutual respect for the other’s worth. This is true for families, friendships, classrooms and workplaces. Saying please along with any request expresses respect for the effort the hearer would put into complying with the request. ‘Thank you’ does the same, whether or not a request was involved. The benefits of gratitude have been lauded at length by positive psychologists, and it is important to incorporate it into our daily thought and speech patterns if we do not wish to become a world of morose, entitled individuals cut off from our fellow humans—if we are not there already. As for apologies, they are uncomfortable things for the one saying them, but they represent recognition of and respect for the hurt or inconvenience caused to another human being. They also represent taking responsibility for one’s own actions.

All of the above things are conducive to improved mental health and more harmonious

relationships. So shall we use those little words, please and thank you (and apologies for the

sprinkle of moralizings).