Carrot and Stick!

“Get the stick”

Sounds familiar? Our parents threatened us with this, and we too are guilty of uttering these words to our own children, even today. Despite being in an advanced age, a good number of parents still go with the rod to reprimand their children. Corporal punishment on children is slowly becoming archaic.

“Then how do I reprimand my child? If I don’t raise my voice, they will not listen”

“How do I discipline my children?”

“They don’t listen to me. I need to bring the stick or give them a smack on the back, and then they listen”

Let me ask you a question. When it comes to rewards and punishments, which is more effective - the carrot or the stick? Many of you would have answered carrot and a handful, the stick.

The carrot refers to rewards, which are offered or promised to individuals to act in the desired way; in other words POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, while the stick refers to punishments which are to be used when individuals do not act in the desired way; in other words, PUNISHMENT.

How can you “let” your children be good, increase good behaviour, and decrease misbehavior quickly and painlessly? Simple: by drawing out the positives. One great way to draw out behaviour you would like to see in your child is by using positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement strengthens or reinforces what the child is doing right rather than focusing on what the child is doing wrong. It increases the likelihood that the good behaviour will be repeated. With positive reinforcement you are not only providing rewards and encouragement, but your child also begins to recognize the value of his own positive qualities and actions. Keep in mind a positive reinforcement is not a BRIBE!

What rewards can I give?

Anything your child likes can be used as a positive reinforcement, gifts, extra play time, favorite movie, or the desired trip. Keep in mind these rewards should be reasonable as well. You need not spend money every time you want to reward your children. Positive reinforcement can be handed out as praises, claps, hugs, and high fives. For positive reinforcement to be effective, it needs to happen daily. Every time your child does well, be it in a test or an achievement at school to cleaning up their room or offering to help you with the dishes, all are positive reinforcements at play.

A lot of parents resort to spanking, harsh words or scolding’s. Their parents tried it out on them and it worked and so they do the same to their children. There is a better way of dealing with your child’s misbehaviors- Punishment. Punishment always carries a negative connotation and most people think of it as a negative thing intended to cause harm or hurt. That's just not true. Punishment in behavioral terms is the taking away of objects or activities that a child likes, such as a favorite toy, or withholding privileges like going to the playground in order to decrease any inappropriate behaviour. Punishers can be used for almost any behaviour that needs to be addressed, but a punisher should be used cautiously; it’s always best to try using positive reinforcement to teach appropriate alternative behaviours before punishing the negative behaviour.

Parents, now that you know how positive reinforcement and punishment works, if I had to ask you the same question I had posed initially - When it comes to rewards and punishments, which is more effective - the carrot or the stick? What would your response be?